The other day the girls and I were doing our grocery shopping. As we were piling our stuff onto the checkout counter, suddenly Kaelin starts to have a dramatic anxiety attack.
K: "Mommy!! We have to get Daddy beer!"
Me: "Daddy doesn't need beer. How do you know about beer anyway??"
K: "But Mooooooom!" sounding as if she's close to hyperventilating "We have to get it! We have to get him his beeeeeeer!!"
Me: "Kaelin .. calm down .. we don't need beer."
K: "Ooooohhhh .. Daddy will be so mad if we don't get beer!" She slumps down and puts her head in her hands .. still making dramatic breathless whimpering noises.
At this point, I finish unloading the cart and look up.
About 12 people within earshot are staring at us.
They all have that look that tells you that they are both concerned and horrified.
Surely this display is a sure sign that Daddy is a raging alcoholic and we will all be beaten mercilessly when he discovers that his precious beer was not purchased. Should they call the authorities? Follow us home? Oh the humanity!
(for the record ...
I have no idea how she knows about beer.
I have no idea why she chose this as her daily Oscar moment.
David is not an alcoholic.
We might need all of you as character witnesses soon.)